The Laughs, The Words, The Attention

I heard the conversation
And had to compare
The laughs, the words, the attention
Until it was all too much
Feeling hurt, I had to explain the mistake
More mad than I expected
Blaming myself for not seeing what was evident
Blaming myself for allowing this to happen
I am worth more than just
Another notch on your belt
And more than someone just to pass by time with
I believed that was how you felt about me
But how much more wrong could I be

Notice

You doubted my every move
Thought I had nothing to give
Wished for my demise
Plotted my destruction
Counted me down and out
But today as I smell success
Staring at my infinite possibilities
Assured that positive things are around the corner
And knowledgeable of God's grace & favor
I speak a firm notice to you
To stay out of my way
Get behind me and
Watch as I shine

I Can't Believe

Who would have thought
I would be waiting
For a phone call
Anticipating your voice
Strong, assertive
Confidence exudes from every pore
So much so that I can't deny what I feel
But I can't believe
This is me now
After all
No one thought I was worthy of something amazing
Even if you are not that
You have renewed my hope
And I thank you for that

Your Decision

If you had the choice
Between him and me
What would the judging criteria be
Looks, money, a degree
Those must not be all on the list
Because I win in all categories
So there must be more that
Satisfies your needs and wants
I know sex does not mean
That much to you
To forget about everything I am
You have not even given us a real chance
Does it really weigh that
Much to you that you would
Pick him instead of me
If so just let me know
I wish you said from jump
That you were a ......

Agenda

Your words to me
Have never been kind
Always had yourself in mind
Selfish to say the least
Playing games with me
Pretending like you really cared
Deceit is your middle name
The other two I won't repeat
Did you get pleasure from my pain
Thought I couldn't stand the rain
But karma is now my friend
And this time
On its agenda is revenge

Bad Investment

I don't care if you need my help
No concern for you anymore
Did too much with no return
Invested money, time and trust
All were wasted because you were
Wrapped up in lust

Just Take A Listen

One of my loves is MUSIC. People say that there is not a lot of great music out there any more but I beg to differ. I do believe that music is not made the way that it used to be but I still feel that a lot of great artists exist. I have generated a short list of songs that are on albums that are not singles but more than just album fillers and songs from artists that haven't released an album yet.

Steph Jones (unreleased) - All Girls
Steph Jones (unreleased) - Mr. Ordinary
Mary J. Blige - Work In Progress
Lupe Fiasco - Go Go Gadget Flow
Lupe Fiasco - Go Baby
J. Holiday - Betcha Never Had
Musiq Soulchild - Millionaire
Musiq Soulchild - Betterman
Mario - Skippin'
Toni Braxton - Take This Ring (from Libra)
Cheri Dennis - Dropping Out of Love
Drake (unreleased) - Brand New
Alicia Keys - Wreckless Love
Timbaland - Release
Kanye West - I Wonder
Kanye West - Barry Bonds
Rihanna - Breakin' Dishes
Rihanna - Sell Me Candy
Amy Whinehouse - Tears Dry Own Their Own
Britney Spears - Radar
Jazmine Sullivan (unreleased) - In Love With Another Man

The unreleased artists you can find on MySpace and for those that like alternative music. I am really feeling "Hero/Heroine" by Girls like Boys.

Script

He kept telling you to stick to the script
You are in the background
Where you agreed to be
Not thinking you would need
More than temporary happiness
You were happy at first
It was fun
Sneaking away at night
Off to go get some
She didn't have to know
Because you weren't going to fall in love
But time told a different story
The rhythms changed from fast to slow
Having him near back priority
And now she must go
You want the spotlight, the car, clothes and title
Number two's always lose
Time for a rewrite

Outside My Window

Still
In awe of what happened
Who knew you held in that type of fire
Voices raised to unheard decibels
And it all came from you
Usually I was the one to yell
This time I was silenced
Your pain, your anger
It caught me off guard
I know I messed up
Still
Watching you hail a cab
Who knew you would pack up and leave
Vacating my heart and home
And you refused my apology
Unusual situation for me
Most times I look
Outside my window for possibilities
Right now, my pain, my tears
Has me replaying the moments
I know I messed up
Still
Looking outside my window

The Favor

You never know
When the blessings will come
Or how they will come
But when they come
You are more excited than ever
Times may be hard
But YOU are here
More than ever
And I thank YOU
Praise YOU
For the favor

Is This About Me or You?

You never made it easy for me
The sacrifices you took
Have been thrown in my face
So now you call me selfish
Am I now undeserving of love
Our disconnect will affect
Everything in my future
But all you see is that
I am not there for you
Do you see
How when I am there
You are not there for me
Should I continue to sacrifice
To appease you and others
Should I admittedly be unhappy
To make you happy
Why can't I take this time now
To figure out how to deal
Now matter what I say you don't understand
You want me to make the same sacrifices
That you made
But where did that lead you
Here or there does not change love
And you should know that
Let me decide
Because circular conversations
End up in headaches or heartbreaks

Cold

Sitting here alone
Thinking about you
How you acted a fool
A fool on me
Sitting thinking about what I did wrong
What should I have changed
What could I
Treated you better than your last
Gave you everything
You never had to ask
You wanted more and I compiled
And now after all this time
My feelings for you are gone
Stop calling
Just leave me alone
Ice run through my veins
My heart now cold
Because of you

Exodus

Sitting inside these walls
Plotting and planning my escape
I have to be free
I have to leave
Why can't it just happen
Why can't I be free
I dream of the exodus
I can even smell the fresh air
Right after I rise
Hoping the barriers can be broken
Exiting and never returning
Giving me life
And yet I am still here
Please let me go
Please let me leave
I have to
I need to
I want to
Be free
I will have my exodus

Reap

Easy is not how I would explain my life
And your absence play a huge role
Hate and anger still rest in my heart and soul
How more selfish could you be
Your excuses never meant a thing to me
How hard did you really try
If you did
It is not evident
Not in my life at least
Where was learning to know about your child on your priority list
I laugh at all the people that called you
A good person
That I should want to know you
Yet I remained without you
My formative years passed
Never to be repeated
Lessons learned, fears faced, memories made
How could you not care
Mistake or not, I am here
Another fatherless black male
Just like you
Like thousands more
Who will stand and break the trend
Who will make amends
The injustice served to me and those alike
One day I will let go
Because you will reap

Back and Forth

Stuck in this perpetual motion
My feelings for you
Can't decide where to go
I search for you
I search for answers
The motion continues
Times are good
I feel as though there is a light
To end the confusion
Then things happen
And I am back
In a state of uncertainty
I want to stop this motion
But the only way for me to do it
Is to let go
And that is not what I want
I want you to stop this for me
Provide me with the words necessary
To soothe this pain
To solve this equation
To end this back and forth

After Commencement

I sit pondering my future
Education pushed to me
To advance you must succeed
Post grad has left me jobless
Unable to pay the these bills that
Keeping coming
Regardless of income
I become frustrated
Trying to emulate the
Amazing alum of my alma mater
To become greater than I can
Even imagine
But no one will give me my break
The frustration becomes fuel to the
Power needed to generate the brain
I think, therefore I am
And I will be

Puzzle Pieces

I changed for you
Rearranged me so you could fit
But unbeknown to me
You could have cared less
Now is that not just sad
Perfection conforming
For something sub par
Placed you on a pedalstool
And fed you caviar
To call me upset would not encompass
My entire anger
The fire inside that always ignited
When you spoke that name
No longer exists
Because you have been dismissed
I will be moving on
As a matter of fact, here comes the next
Au revior

2:32 AM

Why is it ringing again
I know it is you
Can't be anyone else
Calls at this hour
Only come from one source
I thought I cut you off
Guess I was mistaken
I press Ignore once again
Sending you to voicemail
Wonder what message you will leave this time
Will it be one
Pleading for forgiveness
Requesting my immediate attention
Cursing my very existence
Declaring your overwhelming love for me
I call to check it and hear
The incoming call beep
Now you know I am awake
Just great
Twenty more calls from you
Please let me go
It would behoove us both to move on
I could get some sleep and peace
And you could
Well I don't really care what you get from it
And as your name flashes again
I switch my cellular off
Say a prayer for your sad soul
And head to dreamland
To dream of Something New

No Fight

You should have told me
What I meant to you
How things were
So I could appropriately prioritize
Now I am here
Explaining my pain
To someone who is putting up
No fight
As the words flow out of my mouth
I wait and anticipate a response
But still you put up
No fight
Honesty promised
But little information revealed
And now you sit in silence
As I display anger and hurt
Not much is done to console me
Don't you see that I cared
Trying to oblige your requests
Cater to your likes and needs
Not sure where to go from here
But as long as you put up
No fight
Nothing else seems feasible
Staring at the Dead End sign
Hoping that it is just a sharp turn
That new road and direction are
Hidden past this sign that
Someone just forgot to take down
The reality is that maybe this is the end
Still you put up
No fight
Maybe this is your subtle way of letting me down
Not wanting to offend
I guess I should take the hint
As the many that I have been given before
But I felt that you did care
Your mouth that spoke life and promise
Now is void
No fight is needed if you never cared.

I Wake Up

Dreams, sweet dreams
Dreaming of achieving my goals
Dreaming of making amends
Dreaming of happiness and peace
The dream ends
I open my eyes
Smile on my face
Feeling real good
Better than good
Knowing that I can conquer any obstacle
Knowing that I am almost unstoppable
Check the late night text
That I feel asleep waiting on
Phone still in my hand
Then something doesn't feel right
I wake up and arise from my slumber
And realize
I am here
Here
And my mind, body and soul scream
For freedom

Portrait

Words chosen carefully
Painting a picture that
Should have been a reflection of
The past
Yet little did I know
It was the present
And the present
Would be the unwanted
Gift to mess up our future

Honesty

It is a good place to be
Especially at genesis
And I thought we were there
Because you told me that was
What you always gave and expected
So I adhered to your request
And every time I opened my mouth
The words that flowed like water
Were filled with honesty
Down to the molecule
Now I see that this H2O
Made me honestly to open for you
Standing here
Looking out the window
At the H20 pouring from the heavens
No longer from my eyes
Because your lies come
With no surprise
Honesty should not lead to this pain

Start

To the Massive and Expansive Blog World,

It's Me. I decided to start this blog to share some of my thoughts. A lot of posts will be poems because I am in love with doing that right now. There will also be some opinions on subjects that may arise in my life, other topics that I may read on other blogs and topics that I hear via media outlets. So I hope that my readership grows and becomes constant because I am not doing this only for me. And it begins....